Writing about the self

Updated: Dec 6, 2020

YEAR 2, WEEK 11 - Designing for grief


Current thesis thoughts:

I want to talk about death because it's hard. This is the sentence that keeps resonating in my head. I want to talk about it because I think that my mixed background has a unique perspective.


Reading list:

Wallstreet Journal- I'm sorry I cannot kiss you-By Jennifer Levitz and Paul Berger

Impact of COVID-19 on loneliness, mental health, and health service utilisation: a prospective cohort study of older adults with multimorbidity in primary care UCLA


Approach:

I took some time to write for the first time a few years. I actually make it a point to avoid creative writing at any cost because I feel like a failure when I look at it. but from this progression

Weeks work:


the game that I have been working on for my final assignment is centered around the concept of accepting regret, the idea is the player will wake around the map and talk to statues dispensing parts of a poem and spawn 3 little inky monsters each time. as that happens the monsters will death till spawn a little green soul the player must collect to end the game.




Writing experimimetantion autoethno research? through poetry



In my exploration of loss and grief it felt only prudent to explore what that meant to me. as a result I took inpseration from research poets.


Loss is

Loss is walking to a movie theater with your friends on a boring Saturday afternoon and knowing that the day has nothing new is store for you. That gentle calm you associate with everything being right with the world while all the way a few hundred miles away providence takes something precious.

Loss is a phone call in the middle of a horror movie in which you watched people leap to their deaths, only to find out that your best friend fell to theirs in that same phone call.

Loss is appreciating that irony as your cry in hallway as your watch people file in and out of their respective rooms. Taking with them their assorted movie time snacks.

Loss is reaching out and grasping for any sense of normalcy only to be met with more alien concepts. You are told that’s what trauma is. A shaking of your world view. The sun may as well be in the moon for all the good it does.

Loss is waiting patiently for your partner to finish watching the movie so you can tell them the horrible news.

Loss is the profoundly heavy experience of knowing something those you love don’t.

Loss is none of those things, and all of them at the same time.

Loss calcifies itself in your mind like a spore or a barb, anchored in your mind for a long while only to be jostled now anytime you have the briefest instance of feeling human.

Loss is a desire to not be human.

Loss is a desire to not be

Loss is desire.

Loss wants nothing from us. It only wants to know that we acknowledge it exists. However, in that acknowledgment our worldview shifts.

Loss is the dreadful undertone in all good things. “this too shall pass” written in italics under every beautiful moment.

Loss corrupts

Loss isolates

Loss is desire

Loss “wrecks your shit”

Loss is finding out too late that you mattered to someone you hardly knew. This strange weigh on your heart that you never knew was there. To be held in someone else’s heart.

Loss is to slip onto bad habits.

Loss is desire.

Desire could mean to yearn, but it could also mean to aspire.

Loss is an aspiration that we will ultimately have this effect on those we deem important.


 

Reflections

loss does mean a lot to a lot of people but I'm at a loss as how to convey an feeling through story telling that is mine in an interactive. narrative and visual and audio tricks have been known to illicit emotional responses.

Media for thesis found/collected this week





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