Feeling better about what to do
YEAR 2, WEEK 9 - Designing for grief
Current thesis thoughts:
Perhaps I was going about my thesis all wrong. and to think if the self isn't narcissistic if you don't spent any time thinking about that subject to begin with.
Reading list:
Wallstreet Journal- I'm sorry I cannot kiss you-By Jennifer Levitz and Paul Berger
Approach:
I had met with a grief counselor at OSU in the hopes of framing my thesis more legibly and not only that but maybe see if it sounds like something that is disrespectful to people going through pain. while I was working on this I began finalizing some work for my independent study working on the Graphic design elements as well as the rulebooks
Weeks work:
I created this ideological framework of how I thought I wanted to create content for people. this goes in line with how i worked before. my idea is that I would create things focusing on the shared experiences between myself and my viewer. as a method of achieving a kind of resonance. this is most present in my comic work that focuses on my criticism of things like intertextuality used in media or punching down in social conversations. however, this is not helpful with talking about grief as my personal experience may resonate with others who have gone through something similar it does not take into account the person's autonomy.
I think this is why I was so interested in using games as a platform for this idea of talking about the topics I have in mind.
if I were to consider an outsider's perspective I'd only be trying to tell someone else's story not my own. how to view loss or grief or fear doesn't translate as far as I want it to. the shared context of the experience already exists it should help the people that go through things regardless, as long as I take the approach of respect and care. something that learned I can achieve by altering how I approach the topic of coping.
and a lof it revolves around the idea of removing should from my lexicon. "you shouldn't cry so much, you should feel better by now" no that isn't helpful and these words are sticking points I was told by the mental health professional. telling someone how they SHOULD feel isn't the same as telling them how they COULD see the situation.
card game update
with all that in mind I looked more intently at why I made my card game "I am human" to begin with. I was treated poorly growing up and every armchair psychiatrist thought they could diagnose me with something and apply it to how they should "treat" me. this card game is a reflection of frustration but it is entirely my own experience. The entire game says nothing about this. in fact it was only until analyzing the why of doing this that I realized it was a form of processing feelings I still held onto. I haven't forgiven people I just pushed it to the back of my head. making the game allowed me to deal with it a little more.
in terms of design, I started working on making the cards look more visually cohesive, and I came to this conclusion however I think now the art assets do not look as good. perhaps I needed to take a second pass at the art.
Reflections
Personal referencing can be used in my work I feel now which I've been so strongly against for so long as a result I think a lot of my work came out flat and passionless.
Media for thesis found/collected this week